Bed .. 1 .. Me ... Nothing..

Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Draven smeared food something all over the wall! This is what I hear as I am cooking dinner. Wesley grabs Draven to wash his hands and I go investigate the wall. I grab some cleaner and a towel and I head into their bedroom. I am looking at the walls. No, Mommy, it's up there. Pointing up to the ceiling of the top bunk... greeeeaaaaattttt.... How am I ever going to get my fat ass up them stairs? I try out the first step and head up the bunk bed. I step onto the last rung of the bed and about to get onto the bunk when the step snaps under me. Immediately my right foot falls through the splintered wood. My knee cap bangs down on the step and the second step cracks and splinters and my right foot falls through that stair and again I bang full weight onto my left knee cap. So I am screaming and crying by this point. Serenity is panicking. I drag myself out to the living room to investigate the damage while I tell Reni to go get Daddy it's an emergency. I have a pretty high threshold of pain but I am sitting in the chair sobbing in deep breaths from the pain.

My right ankle and foot are completely scraped and bruised and my left knee feels shattered. I am sobbing and sobbing to Wes about how bad it hurts.. he examines my knee and helps me over to the couch. He asks me if I want to go to the hospital and I hesitate. I want to go because it hurts so damn bad but I don't want to go cause... it's the hospital. I tell him I'll let him know after dinner. We sit down to the home made potato soup I made with some more Big Bang on DVD. I am starting to feel a little better from my leg being propped up... dinners over I have to pee. I get up to walk to the bathroom. I put a little pressure on my knee and my leg buckles. Luckily Wesley caught me before I hit the ground (again)... he helps me to the bathroom as I am sobbing again.... Again he asks me if I want to go to the ER and I hesitate and ignore the question. DVD is over I ask Wesley to help me to the bath tub. I crawl in the bath and the water feels great on my knee. I go to stand up to get out of the bath and I actually lean on my knee and I hear a huge pop and instant horrible gushing pain. I cry for Wes again. He helps me out. Helps me get dressed and asks again, if I want to go to the ER. I tell him no because it's already past his bedtime and he needs to work tomorrow. He goes to bed and tells me to wake him if it gets worse. It's worse. The pain is pretty unbearable. But, I don't want to wake him... All this over a mess on the wall... sigh.

Wedding Planning...

Ah, Budget, isn't that the kick in the teeth when you are planning for anything? So, I had to forgo my happy hopes of an "all seasons" wedding and decided on an all night sky themed wedding. Everything was done in shades of blue (lt blue, ice blue, metallic blue) and silver to represent the sky. My bridesmaids dresses were a lt blue and my maid of honors was going to be silver. The groomsmens vests were a dark blue the best man was silver. Now to choose a venue...

We came and went to many places looking for the perfect one when I stumbled across the 356th Fighter Group in Green, Ohio. Wesley was joining the Air Force, let's give this place a try. Got the gang together and went to look at the venue. The minute I walked into the banquet hall I knew it was for me. The whole room was made out of GLASS. Glass walls, glass ceilings, absolutely perfect for my night sky theme. What's better then having the actual stars shining down on you. Venue was chosen. Menu selected. Theme picked. Time to go dress shopping.

On our first excursion out, it was me, Terra and Brandy. We went to David's Bridal and were not very impressed. Then found a cute little shop in North Canton and went there. We quickly picked out the bridesmaids dresses but found they didn't come in silver so we chose a different style for Terra. Tried on a few wedding dresses when I found "the one". Looking back on it now I really do wish I would have fought harder to wear white. My mom was being old fashioned and since I already had Serenity she didn't see it as being a good match for me to wear white and asked that I chose an ivory gown. Although i did like the style of my dress every time I look at pictures I wish I would have looked harder and found "the one" instead of the "it will do". I didn't want ivory and I hate pearls and weird enough my dress had tons of pearls which we incorporated into the tiara, necklace and earrings... weird...

Dresses selected it was time to inform all my girls to go have their dresses tried on and sized... and here is where my problems began....

Wedding's lead to problems...

There is a saying, the more trouble you have on your wedding day the happier your life will be together. Oh isn't that the truth. I had nothing but problems leading up into the main event.

After our engagement was set in stone (1 1/2 karats to be exact *wink*) and my parents were notified, I set about picking the wedding party. All wedding parties start with the bride and groom of course, but a close second comes the maid of honor and best man. No doubt in my mind since I was a teenager that my maid of honor would be, Terra. Wesley had another problem. He wanted his little brother as his best man. Of course that was thrown out the window quickly so he set about deciding which on of his closest friends would be his best man. Having a tough decision he decided to go with the friend he had the longest and decided on Drew. =)

Next came the bridesmaids and groomsmen. Easy decision, I picked my 4 closest girlfriends. My 3 best friends from Massillon and my closest friend from Louisville (not counting Terra since she was already the maid of honor). I sat down and called all my friends one day and they were all thrilled. 4 bridesmaids and a best man and maid of honor set, now comes the groomsmen. Adam and Don were an easy choice since we were both good friends with them. Picking 2 more seemed to be a bit more difficult. I adamantly refused that Wes ask his friend Josh to be a Groomsmen since when Wesley told Josh we were getting married, Josh replied, Why? You could do so much better... yeah, you shouldn't be in my wedding if I am so horrible. I later had to change my mind but I won't ever forget that you said that... Josh... I now realize that Adam's little brother Trevor should have been a groomsmen, he was such an easy choice, but I didn't have the close relationship I have now, then. So, Wesley's other friends Adam and Chayne were asked, and both had agreed.

Four bridesmaid, Four groomsmen, Maid of Honor and Best Man all present and accounted for... or so we thought. Plans for the wedding commence.

I originally planned on having an April wedding since I wanted to be married right away. That later fell through and with one problem after another was pushed back to the last week of September. To find out my cousin had already claimed that day. (Great, their wedding was indoors, mine out, weather gets colder come October... sigh) so, October 4, write that date down.

My first instinct was to get married at the Lakeside Center. It was gorgeous, held an outdoor wedding scene, and I had my sweet 16th birthday there and I really enjoyed it. We picked a day, my mom, Wes and I and Terra went to check it out and learn more about weddings held on location. In come the problems. The gazebo for the wedding was set (on the water) and the only people who fit in the gazebo were the wedding party and the preacher, possibly parents, so everyone else sat on the sidelines and couldn't see inside the gazebo (what a stupid idea, you invite your guests so they may witness you being married, why shouldn't they be able to see you... *I second that motion after witnessing Wes's sisters vows there and not being able to see a lick of what was happening*)
Second problem came in the fact that they did not have food there and would have to be catered by an outside party and therefore became more expensive.
Out went the Lakeside Center.... much to my disappointment.

I picked two different themes, later settling on the second, easier, option. My first theme was to do the 4 seasons. Each one of my bridesmaids and groomsmen would represent a season and the 4 different corners of the room would be decorated (spring, in lavender and purple with soft flowers and pastels decorating the tables. ) (summer in bright golds and soft greens, with sun bursts and bright flowers) (fall done in burgundy and brown, green, and gold, with fall leaves draped around the tables and flowers in oranges and reds) (winter done all in silver and bright white, with silver snowflakes and white roses adorning the table) My bridesmaids would be in the 4 seasons, Michelle as Spring in a flowy pink gown with translucent overlay in flirty angles. Hair done up with a crown of spring flowers, drop out girl would be summer, in a satin gold gown with her hair adorned with sunbursts in gold, drop out girl 2 as fall in a satin burgundy gown with her hair adorned in a crown of fall leaves, and Brandy as winter in a sparkly silver gown with her hair done up with snowflakes. Terra would somehow represent mother nature in a flowy green gown. The groomsmen would match their ladies with Adam wearing a pink tie and vest to match Michelle, drop out boy with a gold tie and vest, Don in a burgundy tie and vest, and drop out boy with a matching silver tie and vest. Instead of having flower girls as my bridesmaids walked up the aisle Michelle would drop pastels flower petals, drop out girl would drop sun confetti and daisies, drop out girl would drop fall leaves, and Brandy would drop white rose petals mixed in with silver snowflakes... (You may think I am crazy but I can still picture it in my head and I think it would have been gorgeous.) But, when everyone kept dropping out I finally gave up on the idea... still disappointed I had....

To be continued....

Hit and Run

I know what your thinking... it's not that big of a deal, it happens all the time, but it is a big deal and it shouldn't happen all the time.

Tonight on our way to get some Burgers we were involved in a hit and run accident. We were driving down Florida 98 heading eastbound towards Ft Walton Beach. We were doing the designated 55 mph when this guy/girl cuts across three lanes of traffic (pulling out of a bar mind you) to smack right into the drives side of our mini van. My husband, seeing him coming tries to at least slow down (55 mph on a high way there is only so much you can do) he hits us in the side, spins his vehicle around into the grass, straightens himself back out and takes off like a flash.

So, we had to pull over our 3 lanes of traffic on a busy high way onto the side of the road. (A BUSY High way!!!) There is tons of traffic and NO ONE stops to bear witness... jerks.

My poor babies are in the back seat screaming and crying and shaking they are so scared. I got out of the vehicle and took them out into the grass to make sure they were okay and to hug them and calm them down.

I ask you, how is karma going to bite this guy in the ass. Hitting a mini van w/one service member that protects his country and 3 small children.

The only thing we got before he drove away was it was a sedan. It was dark out and I didn't even get the color... (luckily the police pointed out the white paint)...

Hopefully there will be some justice and this ass hole will be found. It is one thing to get into an accident *cause hey its an accident*, it's another thing entirely to hit someone and take off. Trust me Karma is gunning for your ass*....

Progressive is coming out tomorrow to survey the damage. So, great we have to pay a $500.00 deductible and its not our fault... keep your fingers crossed they find the ass.

Bachelor Party

October 2009

I have been debating whether I should divide my wedding up into a few stories or get it out in one long winded blog. I think I have come to the conclusion I should divide it up into days... then I can remember every detail, plus I can add more pictures =)

I don't know what aspect and day of the wedding I should begin with. I didn't have a bachelorette party (much to my chagrin even to this day) so I don't have any juicy stories about that, I can tell you about Wesley's bachelor party (what details they told me), it's kind of funny. Let's begin there.

Let me first tell you, I am probably one of the most laid back individuals in the world. I don't recall a day in my life that I have been jealous of another female or worried that Wes may step out of line. The joys of trusting your mate. So, I laughed off the concept of a bachelor party when the guys told me... do whatever you want, I said, have fun.

So, apparently fun consists of making an ass out of yourself at the bar where you drink your cokes out of big boy cups and sing about it being mead. Then taking all the boys up to the (all nude) strip club... (whatever floats your boat, boys) I have to say the most comical part of their adventure was the dollar bill incident. I guess the lady at the strip club was a super class act and told the boys to put the bills between their teeth and she took them with her vagina. Yummm... just where I want to stick MY nose. To this day, Adam still gets made fun of for it. Because every time this lady would come back around to do her nifty little trick again, Adam would fold the dollar bill a little bit smaller each time. From what I hear it was pretty much non existent by the end and he was ALL UP in there. Delicious...

Year One of Parent Hood

-2002/2003-

I have now dove in both feet first. I am 19 years old with a new born baby, imagine that, I had no siblings, I had never even so much as held a baby before her. So, I had a lot of learning to do. Fortunately, I think the saying is true, (for the most part) we are born to be mothers. (Some not so much)... but I was born to be a mother, I really believe that.

When Wesley and I were just getting to know each other back in high school, one day he looked at me and said, "Your going to make a great mother some day". Ugh, I instantly panicked. Oh great, this man just sees me as some maternal/sisterly type person and will never see me as anything more. So, naturally my face fell, and he asked me what was wrong... I said you, "you just said I remind you of a mother". He said, "I didn't mean it as an insult, I meant that I could possibly see one day you having my children because you are going to make such a good mommy" Well, didn't that cheer me right up, lol.

Now it's time to prove him right. I doted on my daughter. We lived with my mom and dad while we sorted our lives out so Serenity was absolutely spoiled rotten and to this day still has the closest bond with my mom.

Wesley started out working Full Time at Wal-Mart. Wasn't that dreadful? He had a full time job, never was taught how to drive, I had to drive him to work everyday with a baby in tow, he worked long hours and I raised the baby. Finally, I had enough with the driving him everywhere and asked that someone teach the poor man how to drive and we get a car. He wasn't allowed to drive my mustang that we were still paying on, so learning how to drive in that was out of the question. We finally got his uncle to teach him how to drive and he passed his test. My dad took him to mullinax where he picked out that hideous green focus he still has... (I tell you he would not have that car if I went that day).

Now comes the hard part. Paying bills. We are struggling to keep the baby in diapers, food, clothes, formula, gas money and now a car payment on a Wal-Mart minimum wage salary... wasn't happening. He tried many, many other places, they either weren't hiring or didn't hire him. He was getting frustrated. I tell you I've never denied his lack of commitment to his family. Since the day our daughter was born he has worked his ass of to provide for his children.

He comes to me one day in early June 2002 with this crazy idea... He wants to join the Air Force. Oh No, I say. Oh HELL NO, do I say. You aren't going to leave me to raise a baby while you get shot at overseas... hell no. He tried to talk to me and I refused to listen. I would have no part of a discussion that involved my man going to war. I shut it out.

Well, that's not how my Wesley works when he sets his mind to something. He starts doing research online. He comes back to me a couple of days later and tells me, he would be making a salary, have benefits for all of us, get money for housing and groceries and will more then likely be stationed somewhere in the United States and work like it is a normal 9-5 job. Sounds too good to be true, I tell him. He asks that I allow him to call a recruiter and we sit down and talk with him... alright, I say, but I still have the power to say no. He assures me if I still have doubts after talking to a recruiter then he will throw away the idea.

He sets up the meeting. Sgt O'Brien was his name. He meets us at the Wal-Mart cafe after Wesley's shift to answer all our questions. I realize now it was his job to talk us into the Air Force, so trust me when I say he made it look all like sunshine and lollipops, to where I would be a sucker not to say, yes.

In a flash starts all the testing, he must take the asvab and receive a 60 or better to qualify, he must have his eyes examed and a full physical. Asvab comes back with the score in the high 80's, he had perfect 20/20 vision, just what a pilot would need, and he was the perfect specimen of health. Round 1 complete.

Next comes all the paper work, shipping dates (my only exception to joining the military is he would NOT leave for basic until after our wedding in October), vaccines were injected, degrading physicals, more paper work, transcripts achieved both from high school and college and he receives his ship out date, December 3, 2003.

It's happening. My husband is a member of the United States Air Force. Well, he wasn't sworn in yet, but it was coming. The summer flys by and our wedding date is quickly approaching. After 3 years of dating it's finally time to marry my best friend....

Sweet Serenity

*Everyone is always stunned to hear this whole story so I will try to leave in all the details.*

It is now October. I am given the due date of October 27 for the birth of my daughter. I am so excited. I make a deal with God. "Please, God, put me in however much pain you want, make me suffer, just so long as you give me a healthy, happy, little girl."


Friday, October 18th I start feeling the contractions hit through out the day. They stay 15 - 20 minutes apart so I do not concern myself with them for awhile. I am worried though that Wesley isn't home and I had no way of contacting him since he was out with his dad so I just prayed he got home before I went into full labor. The day drags on and my contractions slowly wind down to 5 minutes apart. It's Friday night so my dad heads into work, Wesley and my mom take me to the hospital. I change my clothes and get into their stupid little gowns. They strap me into the monitor and check our vitals. The doctor comes and check my dilation. Nothing. He has me get up and walk around to speed up the process, 2 excruciating hours of walking later through contractions, nothing. Since I am not dilating they send me home. GOOD JOB MERCY!! So, I survive the night. I can't sleep because who can sleep with contractions 5 minutes apart. 8:00 am comes. My daddy gets home and I beg my parents to take me back to the hospital and MAKE them admit me... I can't take it anymore. We head in. Contractions still 5 minutes apart. Hooked back up to the monitors... I've dilated to 5 centimeters over the course of the night, yay... the way I felt I thought the baby was coming. It is now Saturday morning, the 19th of October, sweetest day =) Not so sweet for me, lol. Later in the afternoon they finally decide to give me an epidural. They keep putting it off because they say it slows down the labor process. It is now Saturday night and they decide to break my water. They break the water and it is green. (Now, I'm not a doctor but green water means the baby is in stress....) oh well, they think, they wait out the dilation. I hit 8 centimeters late Saturday night. I survive another night of being in labor. Sunday morning hits. My mom and dad and Wes stayed through the whole time. My dad is pacing the floor and looking very anxious. He never does that. I hear him ask to talk to the doctor and my mom and dad corner him in the hall way. It is now 9 am. I whole 50+ hours since my labor first began.

My mom and dad come back in. My mom hides in the corner and my dad comes up and takes my hand. The doctor comes in and checks my dilation again and sees I finally hit 10 centimeters ... but they are rushed now. The sterups come up. One nurse gets up in the bed with me and another nurse is forcing my legs apart as far as they go. The doctor stands there and tells me to push. As I push the nurse pushes down on my belly.... what the hell is happening? The doctor informs me we need to get the baby out as quick as we can. 10 minutes of this torture and the doctor tells everyone to stop. He heads back out in the hall way with my mom and dad hot on his heels. Wesley comes up and holds my hand, smiling down at me, letting me know we are going to see our baby soon.

My daddy comes back up to me. Takes my hand again and he is crying. My dad doesn't cry... what the hell is going on. The doctor comes back in and informs me they are going to do an emergency c-section. The babies heart beat has dropped dangerously low and it is imperative they get her out right away. I start crying too. They are going to cut me open? After 55 hours of labor they are going to cut me open?

I want my mom and dad there, I need them. But, I am only allowed in one person. Of course I must choose Wesley. Although I wanted him there, I wanted my mom and daddy there too. I was upset. They give Wesley his scrubs, head me into the operating room, dope me up a whole lot more and a whole bunch of pulling commences. Wesley keeps brushing my hair and telling me how good I am doing and we are going to see our baby in minutes. A great pull happens and the nurse tells us the baby is out. They don't show her to me... I want to see her!!! She isn't crying... why isn't she crying? A long time goes by and they are sewing me back up. They won't let Wes over to see her and it's not like I could get up. I am shaking so bad at this point from all the anesthesia and I am nauseous and throwing up bile. (Let me tell you the thought of throwing up with your stomach open is a terrifying thought, I thought I was going to rupture something and I tried so hard to swallow it back, it wasn't until a nurse told me it was okay to throw up that allowed myself to) a long time goes by and my baby finally starts crying. My baby. =) My sweet Serenity Autumn is crying her lungs out. I am still strapped to a table but they finally allow Wes to take her for a minute. He brings her over to me and we are both crying. They wisk her away and take me to recovery. I quickly fall asleep after 55+ hours of labor, no sleep, and a ton of anesthesia in my system. SO my beloved Wesley follows them to the nursery, watches them clean her up and get her ready and follow them down past the waiting room where my mom and dad get their first look at her. Everyone is crying. (I have pictures to prove it, hehe) all the while I am pretty oblivious to the world around me.

In the meantime, Wesley makes a call to spread the joy about the birth of his daughter. I wasn't there, I don't know what was said. He just tells me later that the only words he heard were, he ruined his life and he was heart broken. My mom came into the room to the screaming she heard on the phone and my poor Wesley balling his eyes out. She walks over to him, tells him it is a happy day and to hang up the phone. He does. My mom consoles him. Tells him he helped bring a beautiful miracle into the world and it was time to start our own family. He agrees and jumps into a new life with his soon to be wife and his new beautiful 7 lb 14 oz, 19 inch long baby girl. Serenity Autumn born at 10:20 on October 20, 2002.

I am put into my room where we stay and I wait anxiously for them to bring me my baby that I've waited so long to hold and see. I am no longer strapped down. I want my daughter. I want to hold her. Hours go by. They don't bring her to me. I finally demand that Wesley demand they give her to me. 8 or so hours after her birth, they finally bring me my daughter.

I am oblivious to the fact that there is ever anything wrong. My daddy on the other hand is pissed. He spends more time in the hallway talking to people then he does with me and his grand daughter. I don't understand why he keeps leaving. I don't understand why he has yet to come in and hold the baby.

He finally allows himself to come in and take the baby and sit with her for awhile. Lovingly looking down at her. I am so happy. My world is so complete.

A few days later they allow us to go home to start our new life. I have a newborn baby to take care of and a wedding to begin planning (I originally scheduled for April, but I really wanted a fall wedding so I held out until the following October).

It wasn't for a few years that I actually got the WHOLE story. My daddy never wanted to hurt or scare me.

The nurses tell my dad that the doctor did EVERYTHING wrong. He never should have sent me home the night before because the babies heart beat already wasn't as strong as it should be. And he definitely should have sent me in for an emergency c-section the moment they broke my water and it was green. They left my baby in stress for over 5o hours.... when they finally did the c-section her heart beat was almost non existent. The nurse told my dad the horrifying fact that my darling daughter was born, dead. Remember me telling you we heard no crying and they wouldn't show her to us? They had to clean all the gunk out of her lungs, get her breathing again, and restart her heart... how dreadful to know that. Believe me had I known sooner that doctor would have NEVER worked again. It's why I didn't get my baby for so many hours after wards because they were monitoring her heart and breathing.

God kept his promise though... 55 hours of labor, tons of pain and I didn't complain once. My daughter is perfectly healthy, happy, intelligent, energetic 7 year old. I am just so upset for the pain and misery she endured during that time.

That is the birth of my daughter Serenity.... now you know.